Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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