cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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