I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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