i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So vagazzling was a success
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
