Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dignity is for republicans.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
