i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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