Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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