This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
