I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
where are you?
Hypothermia
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
