my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Green mimosas i think yes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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