Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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