Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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