Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I love you. Go after that dick
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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