yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
