please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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