I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
