omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
