Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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