you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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