your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
