Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Two words: nipple clamps
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