I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
