the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
