Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
