You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
