After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
