I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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