we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
