I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
