babies were throwing up all over the place
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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