just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
