I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
