i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
