The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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