if i can run in heels then i can drive
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
