Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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