oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
