I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
