I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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