I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
