...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
