If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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