So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
