Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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