i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
