i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
