Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
