xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
