So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
