I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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