So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
