Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
