smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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