wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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