I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
