Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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