i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wear drunk well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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