I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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