I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
